Finding Happiness
For this letter I want to continue a topic that I raised in my previous letter.
Here is a piece of it so that you know what I’m talking about:
‘Society tells us we must get high grades in certain subjects in school so that we can get into a good university. School tells us a good university will get us our desired stable job. When we get the job, we work our way up the ladder through hard work, and then we want to buy our own home. Society tells us that all of this will lead to happiness. However, happiness is not found in a job, career, school grades, degrees or a house. These aspects of our life should add to our happiness not become our sole reason for it. Get the difference?’
I am linking this topic to the main character of my books: The Silver Lining Series.
Growing up Kris Dauni has never understood why his family is the way it is; this has always left him feeling confused and upset. He has also struggled to understand his father whilst wanting to impress him which is why as soon as he left school, he immediately started working for him.
Overtime whilst consistently working Kris successful builds his own business ideas and proves capable of his aspirations. However, as his life became harder, he unconsciously used his work as an escape believing that it will bring him satisfaction.
Referring to my point in my previous letter, school tells us that if we get that job, build that career, and have that home we will be happy. Kris struggles to find this in his teen life amongst all the confusion and then as an adult his mental health becomes worse when he realises that he has everything he has worked for but still is not happy.
So, the question is how do we find happiness?
In my opinion, happiness is a perception.
Put it this way: one movie may make one person laugh but not the other. One person may enjoy the vision of the sun rising but not another. One person may get excited when they’ve bought themselves a new piece of clothing but not the other. A slice of bread may bring joy to someone who has never eaten it but for another it may be a norm. One person may be happy going to university and starting a job whilst another may not even want to get a job. Joy comes in many forms for different people.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that all these aspects should add to our happiness not become the sole reason for it. If something in our life is really impacting our happiness, then it is vital to try our best at making the necessary changes for our overall wellbeing.
We also must recognise that emotions are not a straight line.
It is impossible to be happy every single day. Feeling down and sad is just as real as happiness, and the painful emotions are not something to push away, they are just as necessary as feeling joy. All forms of emotions exist for a reason, and the reality is: if sadness didn’t exist, how would we recognise happiness?
Returning to Kris as my example, he loses everything and drowns himself in his work. This is a clear sign that he is running from his problems, and thus any uncomfortable emotions. This eventually sends him into a downwards spiral.
Finally, this leads me onto sharing with you an important tip for maintaining happiness, and that is to: Build a foundation within you that you can return to.
Some examples could be:
Being thankful and expressing gratitude for everything.
Choosing to live moment by moment.
Recognising goodness in each moment and person.
Living by the knowing that all is constantly changing.
Brining choice into each situation and action.
Everyone has heard of that quote: happiness comes from within. I feel that it overused in all the wrong contexts and for some this quote is not understandable. I believe it is not happiness but contentment that should remain within us and the foundation that we have should maintain this.
The purpose of this foundation is to have something to return to whenever life becomes difficult. If someone lost a personal possession, someone could return to thankfulness to remind themselves of what they have. If we meet someone that was a little harsh for our personality, they could instead choose to see the good in them. If someone struggled with a friend moving far away, they could return to an affirmation that reminds them that change is part of life.
It is important to process the uncomfortable emotions, whilst being able to have a solid foundation of what we believe to help ground ourselves and feel safe.
Again, returning to my example of Kris when everything falls apart around him, it becomes harder for him when he has no foundation to return to; instead, he runs from his emotions and tries to numb himself. In the second book, he eventually discovers a foundation within himself which essentially helps him to make healthier choices. His foundation becomes his source of happiness thus supporting him to a build a fulfilling life.
You can also build that foundation for yourself. Here are some questions to help.
What quotes have stood out to me in the past?
What has comforted me through hard times?
What random words deeply resonate with me? And why?
What brings me joy? And why?
What stories do I know of that really inspire me? And why?
What triggers me every now and then? And what words can I say to myself to help me move through them with more compassion?
Take some time to answer these questions and remember there is no rush, building a foundation within you takes time because we are working our mind and body through all of our past. Be gentle with yourself and remember your foundation can keep changing until you find something that you naturally resonate with. Take it slow.
This was another long letter, but I do hope that it helps.
If any of you have any thoughts about what you would like me to write about feel free to send them across to me: https://www.vaneetakaur.com/contact
Be kind to yourself always 🙏🏽
Blessed be,
Vaneeta